Life: The Endless Pursuit of Something New.

The Time Is Near.

2010-12-04T17:47:00.001-08:00

It's about to be that time of the year again. Finals. Christmas Eve. Christmas. New Year's Eve. New Year's Day. All in all, a new year to ring in. For once in my life, there are major changes that entail the next several weeks that are to come. For one, it'll be the first semester of college that I have completed. It also may be the first year that I don't spend New Year's Eve/Day with my parents (which is a HUGE step at the moment, since I'm only eigthteen). Oh, and I'm turning Nineteen on January! Although it won't be as sweet as Twenty and it won't even come close to Twenty-One...it's still another year that I will be grateful for and will rock.

So much has happened within myself since August, I can assure you most are great changes. I'm going to come clean and just say his fucking name because after all he isn't Voldemort. I'm over Andrew. And realized that you can have a summer romance and smile at it months from then and eat with it, too. I'm not at all willing to try it again because I've already been down that road and it is because I've taken so much from it. I've learned about the woman I am and will continue to be. There's just so much that I learned from that bittersweet experience, at the end of the day, I am thankful again.

San Francisco, the city that belongs to my heart. I feel so at one here. So peaceful and at place. People rarely feel this way about a place and I'm just satisfied at the end of the day, knowing that I'm sleeping in my twin sized bed, in this crammed apartment, in this cold, foggy city in the Bay. College is working out well, too. It's opened my mind to so many more possibilities that I thought were 'just dreams'. What I truly love about SFSU is that it asks me to make those dreams into a reality. And it's exactly what I'm going to do. A good friend once told me (whose name is Brendon Joshua), "San Francisco, where you're either in love or in the pursuit of true love". I must agree with him that I'm somewhat waiting for love. I'm not waiting for someone to sweep me off my feet or to realize that after 3 months or so that I'm the gal he'd want to marry some day. No. I want to be with someone who just wants to spend more quality time together. That's all. Sure, there's that part of me that beckons for quality romance, too, but if we really work at taking things slow and build a friendship for several months at a time--we will have all the time in the world for quality romance. Here, here, I'm not saying that Allie and Noah's romance lacked 'quality' at all but I'm saying they're fortunate. I've realized the situation I'm in. And I see that a term of "getting to know each other" period is completely worth the long term aftermath.

There's definitely something that's changed about me, my patience when it comes to waiting for something I want. Whether or not it does, I'm keeping my mind open and saving room in my heart.

Until New Year's...

Keeping Memories.

2010-09-03T11:55:00.000-07:00

Everyday I come here to sit, drink coffee, have lunch, listen to music, and study. I also come here to write. I come here in hopes that some spark of inspiration ignites within me to write exactly what I feel about my life these past months. After hours of aimlessly surfing through the internet in hopes for anything, I find myself closing my laptop and heading home without anything posted on this blog. Anything of what we have left behind, that is. Where to begin, how to say it, how to end it even--it all stresses me to the point of just throwing the towel in at the end of each day.

These past few months have given me much more than that, though. I have learned so much, seen so much, lived so much. I have been blessed with events that will forever be tattooed on the walls of my brain lobes. They have left me with no feeling of regret or remorse, as such events would. It has taught me that the formation of expectations can be the main shackles in my life and how I must loosely form the ones that won't drill me to the ground. Expectations that won't lead me back to the person I was before this entire "coming of myself" product. I grew as not only a person, but a Woman. My willingness of acceptance and sacrifice has brought me to my full potential, but just for the moment being. I have yet to be complete. My ties with the divinity have strengthened and my confidence in the natural world has given me the audacity to work outside of my ability.

So how do I begin to tell you any of this? How could I explain the journey I sailed through that lead me to having the strongest motivation to embark on this God- only- knows- how- long odyssey to "find myself"? An odyssey that I know I must take, where I would cast myself away. Attempting to help you conceptualize any of it is unfathomable. But of course, it just has to be said. It just does. And I will do my very best.

There are many ideas and thoughts scattered throughout my brain this very moment. Traffic of the thoughts, if you may say. There are many collisions left to right, causing hold ups within this writing process that creates the writer's block I'm experiencing. Remembrances that keep holding this four lane highway, rubbernecking as they see the collisions I have made within myself. Thoughts and words that need to be typed, waiting impatiently in their vessels trying to get to the destination. The place where each memory has its own place for serenity, where after arrival they are home. The patient and fluid thoughts and words that will naturally flow through, sit and worry and contemplate whether or not they will ever arrive. However, they sit waiting for the congestion to clear up, beckoning for an honest explanation for this catastrophe. The highway patrol, stopping any vessels of memories from going any further than they need to at the moment. Abashed of the duties they must perform, they obey keeping me in mind, knowing I know not of much at the moment. Knowing that each memory is present for a reason, they still perform with as much empathy in regards to my lack of understanding. Ambulances and firetrucks, coming to clean up and take away the mess that some memories have found their way through and into my highway. Experiencing the misconstrued assumptions I have drawn so irrationally out of fear. Lastly, there are the victims of the collision, the soul of my memories. Wondering why them, why now, and why in general.

To not answer them would be strictly unethical, hurtful even. Everyday we discard our memories into another random file, disregarding their voices. I'm here to voice what has happened and to justify the hurt and the joy involved within each memory. The blog must stay alive for not my benefit, but for the sake of my mind and the memories they enclose. A series of these posts will be in utter dedication to the memories that lurk in the hallways of my mind. They will be explanations, they will be affirmations for the memories that ask me everyday, "Why should you keep me"?

New places, New changes.

2010-08-21T02:20:00.000-07:00

It's 2 o'clock in the morning and I should probably be asleep right now. However, I've found the difficulty to do so for some odd reason. It is times like these where I wish I didn't have the need to update this blogpost. To just click on that button and open up a new tab for YouTube and catch up on some subscriptions that I've missed since. Where I didn't have the feeling of remorse just thinking about avoiding this new post, but it must be typed. It must be said. There are many things that must be told in this post that I in someways should be kept because even the person who broadcasts some aspects of her life should be kept from the public but it's necessary; all of this really is.

Returning to my blog was somewhat heart wrenching in the way that it made me feel absolutely wrong for not posting something within these past 6 months. That's the case though, I didn't want to just post 'something'. I purposely put off this blog post because 6 months ago I decided that if I were to type up my next post it would have to be of something meaningful. Therefore, I promised myself that: I would not create another post for the blog until I am at "full peace" with myself. That time is now.

As much as you saw this coming, so many things have happened these past several months. Within these 6 months I have: Graduated High School (in Gold, woo!), fallen in love with the one person who's meant every bit of everything to me, cried multiple times, had a summer where I had no "summer homework assignments", not been home before midnight for weeks on end, visited the Bay area/NorCal several times, went to my Freshman orientation, went apartment hunting in one of the most brutal cities to do so, found an apartment with one of my closest friends (whom also blogs link to that here: ), got so much closer to Jose in such surreal lengths, fallen out of love with the one person who means every bit of everything to me, unexpectedly tied bonds with someone I had a brief run in with from the past, said goodbye to not only my Home and my Parents but to the friends who've made the last 3 years more than bearable in High School, moved into a completely different environment, and still continuing to adapt.

This summer has done so much for me. All that I am completely thankful for. I feel as if this summer has given me the extra growth that I needed to start my life here, in San Francisco. It has taught me to appreciate the finer things in life. Not necessarily the "what could've been" but "what it is". I've come to appreciate the present even more than the future. I have learned that in so many ways whatever happens, happens. It is an event, it has been done and now it is finished. There is no other road but to keep moving forward. Naturally, I tend to dwell on the decisions I have made but now I've grown fond with the art of acceptance. Just because it doesn't fit to your standards, it isn't over and it isn't a mistake. It is undoable but it all falls into place the way it should be.

Funny the way things work out though. Going back to previous blogposts, I would've never thought that Katy AND Kayla wouldn't be in my life whatsoever in a few short months. With that story, I have learned that people change over a course of time. Whether it be a week so several months, people change all the time. The minute you have to cut them out is when you just know and feel it inside. Of course I wish them both the best of happiness but I just don't need anyone in my life that would let certain incidents ruin a friendship. Personally, communication is key and I believe that's what really tore us apart. The fact that none of us would like to keep in contact and we just all started to view our wants and needs in life differently. That I wouldn't have the same ties I did with a few other people I was certain would always be somewhat drifting around in my life. I didn't even know Brendon Joshua (http://www.coffeeontuesday.webs.com/) I would reunite again after a year's worth of not direct conversation. Most importantly, I would've never thought that I would fall out of love so instantaneously the way I did these past two months of Summer. Ultimately, I had prayed that my love was strong enough. That I was patient enough to endure rough patches in our simple relationship of a friendship, but that too was falling apart. For months it felt as if I kept leaping a step ahead when really I was taking three leaps backwards.

It is also nice to know that a particular person that I've known of quite awhile now walked into my life like a breath of fresh air and literally showed me exactly what I wanted in another person. From him I have learned so much about myself and my needs than anything else. It was the first time I have experienced unselfishness on the "other" person's behalf. It was the first time I have witnessed passion directed towards me in the way I'd hoped but never received or ask. To me, all of it was completely important. It has instilled the confidence I now carry when looking for the next guy. Not "Mr. Right" nor "Mr. Right Now" but "Mr. Just Right". It has strengthened me for what's to come later on in life, and possibly other Men who could showcase additional aspects to target for.

I must say though, I am completely happy with the way everything has turned out. I'm here in San Francisco, one of the most beautiful cities to live and love in. I have the health of not only myself but my family and close friends. I have the foundation of friends to always come to and to always visit whenever I go home. I have the ability to succeed yet again and finally get some mind stimulation from my first year of college. Everything is just perfect the way it is. I've kept the friendships I needed to keep because I felt how everlasting they truly were. I am simply satisfied and happy with the way my life is going. I'm still keeping those dreams alive although there are many times where it gets difficult to do so, focus is key.

I have loved, I have hurt, I have healed, and I have prayed so much to the Lord to give me the strength, but I have yet to Live fully. So until that day, consider this blog alive.

The freedom is almost over.

2010-02-20T02:03:00.000-08:00

This week is almost over. It is officially Saturday and I have one day left of freedom (from the hell that is high school) and well, homework that I haven't done. Just the thought of having to wake up that early for school just makes me sad. I have so much homework to finish before Sunday ends it's not even worth joking over. So before my inspiration to make this blog post ends...let's just recap this week shall we?

Last weekend:
(Friday): Had an 'early' lunch with Katy and Vani at The Haven. And by 'early', that's me trying to be incognito about something I shouldn't have been doing at the time. We then picked up Lauren after lunch. Went back to The Haven to gets some drinks in us. Went next door to the Fox and saw the "Valentine's Day" movie. Deep met up with us in the actual theatre and I had to remind him multiple times as to why he agreed to see a chick flick with us. Summation, Deep has major plus points on his man card. Both Taylors cannot act if their careers depended on it and the one time Lautner had the chance to take his shirt off to save his poor performance he didn't take it. Katy, Lauren and I then drove to see the Watchers. Still scary.

(Saturday): Was spent sleeping in. Getting ready for work a few hours of that, then actually going to work and closing really late.

(Sunday): Was spent not sleeping in. I woke up at 6 am for a 7 am meeting at work (so much 'am' involved in that sentence *gags*). Right after the meeting, I clocked in for work. I kept forgetting it was Valentine's Day, luckily I had the customers' help to remind me of the occasion by asking me two things: 1)Why don't you have a Valentine? 2)Why is a pretty little lady like you single? To be completely honest m'am, I don't know why. Oh I know, I haven't met the right Man yet. Yes, there's a difference. I came out, alive, around 3:30pm. I then went straight to church with my Momma and my Grandmama. Right after that, I went to Lauren's for a Romantic three course meal made by her of course. I felt bad for barging in Lauren and Josiah's (Lauren's loverman) romantic candle-lit dinner...but...I was invited with open arms and it was enjoyable. We made Lauren a song. I went through Josiah's spiffy briefcase. And I exhausted the energy out of the both of them.

Monday: was spent working. Zzzzz. I wasn't even scheduled that day, but at least i'm getting paid for it. $$$.

Tueday: I got to hang out with the other 'parent', my Kayla. I missed her face this entire week, this was the only day I got to see her. We went to Starbucks, we saw her lover of a rockstar and he flirted with her from across the room. We then made a quick run through Ross, got bored and left. We came to another store, and spontaneously bought a pair of thongs. Polka dots. We rocked out to songs in Bed, Bath, and Beyond and we got followed by a cute asian employee man. Call me. We tried vlogging multiple times. Failed twice. Succeeded once. We ate Mariachi burritos and that place was hot as hell. Kayla dropped me off home and she was home in time for American Idol.

Wednesday: I filmed by vlog for Tasty Vlog Snack really early, as in after I woke up that day. Like the last few days (except Sunday) I woke up at noon. I then went to the bank with Katy, then we made an excursion throughout the entire town. We waited 35 minutes for our iced cappuccinos at The Haven, they were swamped. We went to the library, took a picture of ourselves on their iMac. We also looked at the naughty, trashy romance novels. We did a lot more random store browsing. We danced in Bed, Bath and Beyond. Apparently, the employee was really concerned if we "found everything okay". We then ended the night.

Thursday: was VERY eventful. 6 am. Freeway. Disneyland. Getting a Birthday pin with Katy. Traci got a "I'm celebrating with Katy" pin. The Lady in the ticket booth then made one for Caleb. Caleb, thanks for wearing your "I'm celebrating with Kathleen" one. First coffee of the day. Pirates of the Caribbean. Indiana Jones. Lots of walking. Caleb craving a Pretzel. Going on a scavenger for a pretzel stand with Caleb. Actually finding one and feeling victorious. Mickey Mouse shaped pretzels, and mustard. Trying to ruin people's pictures, and succeeding. The Haunted Mansion. Drake and Tristan. The Haunted Mansion, again. Space Mountain. Fast passes. Having to come back for Space Mountain in an hour because of the technical difficulties. Winnie the poo. Fantasyland. Getting my ass kicked in the Buzz Lightyear game. Thunder Mountain. Indiana Jones. Katy singing Enchanted songs. Katy acting like Giselle. Katy searching for her Edward. Katy 'finding' her Edward. Red, Disneyland license plate for my non-existent yet future car. The end of the night, going back to the car. Passing out, then zoning out. Being emotionally and physically exhausted. I start crying in the back of Caleb's truck. "Molesting" Caleb's sweater, as he calls it. Blink 182. Drake. Still hating Eminem. Bed Rock. Last name Ever, First name, Greatest. Crying because of my emotions. Katy rubbing my legs because they were falling asleep. Salt? Katy wiping my tears for me. Falling out Caleb's truck. Being embarrassed. Landing on my arms and knees. Denny's. Pancakes. Hash browns. Yogurt. Coffee. Water. Having Katy and Traci help me recollect as to what I said/happened in Caleb's truck. Feeling embarrassed. Feeling new feelings that came out of nowhere. Wishing my caffeine withdrawal and sleep deprivation kicked in when I got home and not in Caleb's truck. Goiing home. Drifting into a deep slumber.

Friday: woke up. Still felt embarrassed. Did more recollecting with Caleb. found a bruise on my arm from my great fall from Caleb's truck. Apologized a lot. Got ready to go out with Katy to Forever 21. Picked up Lauren. Realized something once I was truly awake. I still felt the same way when I was half passed out the other night. Walked into a completely different Forever 21 I've never been to--it was the spaciest, uncluttered Forever 21 I've been to. I was ADHD because I wanted to look at everything. I bought two necklaces. Katy got her outfit for Richelle's Debut. Lauren bought some cute stuff also. Rushed to get back into town in time for Katy's dinner time with her Daddy. Ended up at Lauren's, having dinner with them. Caught up on everything that has happened, emotions wise. Talked so much about Love and everything else. Realized what we find attractive in Men. Laughing because it sounds silly to an outsider, but makes sense on the inside. Apparently, I'm a Daisy. Lauren drove me home. It was raining. Facebook. And uploaded pictures from Disneyland. Got a really funny picture texted to me from Traci. I still cannot stop laughing. It's cute I have to admit. I'm about to pass out. My eyes are sleepy.

Today, Saturday. I have work at 4 pm? OR 5 pm? I need to sleep. I want and need to do homework before then because I get home at 10 pm. I hope this means I don't have to do another blog post until I'm inspired again. I miss Disneyland now. I really do, it's my home :/

Monday Night, Paper Night.

2010-02-08T19:55:00.001-08:00

I've come to the conclusion that Monday nights have officially been my "write-that-paper-for-APLITCLASS-night". I don't know why I work on it days before or even the weekend before that Monday but I just don't. But then I just remembered that I have a life...

Hello again, it's been awhile since my last blog post and things have been sailing...fairly. Life is just as dandy as it has been but some recent 'disputes' have made me a teeny tiny dapper. To wrap it up without saying anything at all, I love my best friends. The handful I have. I hate when we're apart. Capeessh? This is the last week of school (now if I ended the sentence with just that, all would be perfect) before Presidents' week off. I'm not scheduled for work until Saturday and I am semi-not-really excited for Valentine's Day. I have a paper I should be writing right now, about Joseph Conrad's Heart of Darkness. Sigh. The book is depressing as hell. I got a lot of strange looks when I said that aloud in class a week ago, no one got it. If you dive into all of the allusions and symbols you see Conrad's troubled soul. It really is sad to read that. All of that.

On that note, I'm going to end this blog post entry, until next time that is.

Let's sum it up shall we:
-Love life? Besides loving my family and best friends, it's non-existent at the moment.
-School life? Trying to get by this week the best that I can. I just remembered, I have a Chapter 5 test in AP Government tomorrow. Fackle.
-Book Challenge? Still on Something Borrowed, however I am officially on Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.
-Senioritis Status: I just want to excel in grades, then head off to college already.

best weekend in a very long time.

2010-01-10T23:34:00.000-08:00

After typing the title for this post, I realized that I'm completely wrong...I've been having really great weekends actually but seriously this is the best "pre-finals" weekend, ever. Friday was started exactly how it should be, Katy and Kayla (best friends) and I went to the Haven coffee shop and declared it as "our place". I cannot wait until this Friday, we're starting this tradition where all three of us get dressed in our 'little black dresses' and have a cup of 'tornado latte' which is what we all ordered this Friday. 2010, a year of new-founds, new-comings, new everything!

Pretty much spent the entire weekend with Katy and Kayla, from Friday to Sunday! I honestly could not ask for it any other way. Fullerton, you are so close yet so far from us! I cannot wait until we're unpacking those boxes! This weekend reminded me of how much I am blessed and thankful to not only have the best friends ever, but the best Family ever. I believe from the day that I was born I was forever in debt to God, just how it should be :)

I am amping up for finals this week and I believe that this weekend's glory will help with all the stress that's about to come! I just have to push through, do my best and try not to fail. I will most likely make post next weekend since I will have sometime...it being "No school on Monday" and what not! Did I mention that I don't have to be at school on Wednesday until 9:30 am because I am awesome and I don't have a 1st period?! Yeah, well just mentioned it so...boom! That is why I am Wednesday, because getting up before 7 am is ridic.

My Grandmama just found the paper where my Grandfather taught me what "nouns, adjectives, Improper verbs" are when I was little and...I remember the exact moment when I saw and touched that piece of paper. Before I start tearing up all I have to say is that, though someone physically leaves the memories that were made still linger and are stronger than the present. He's still alive, everywhere around me. He is where he's always been.

let's explain the images shall we:
this is our table.
our mugs.
our tornado lattes.
yellow is kayla.
i am red.
katy is blue.
our window.
our seats.
our place. <3

2010: resolutions.

2010-01-03T02:14:00.000-08:00

*Star Wars Theme Song*

I finally have the time to make a blog post about my 2010 Resolutions!!!
Since it is a monumental year...start of a new decade, officially turning into an adult, graduation, apartment hunting, college, last summer before college...blah, you get the picture! i'm not going to challenge myself to just ONE resolution..but a cluster *EXPLICIT WORD* of resolutions! so I've decided as to what my resolutions are and I have a few on the list:

-Make a video blog EVERY Wednesday of 2010 and be up to date on my regular YouTube Channel.
-Develop better studying habits (though that is already broken and it's only the 3rd).
-READ THE ENTIRE HARRY POTTER SERIES.
(I've read books 1-4 when they first came out but clearly I got distracted with other novels and so I'm dedicating 1 or 2 weeks worth of reading to an entire year).
-Pay attention to my "life planner".
-Go to a Wrock Concert (Wizard Rock) with Kayla.
-Actually read 50 books in 2010 (I only read 35 books this year, complete fail. Not moving on until I succeed)
Lastly: ACTUALLY DO NaNoWriMo!!!

Now that is a lot....of nerdy activities.
What's your New Year's Resolution?

last saturday of my winter break.

2010-01-03T02:01:00.001-08:00

As much as I wanted to add a *sigh* on the title, I didn't because (insert reason). Let me just start out by saying, these last two weeks of pure awesomeness has been used to it's full advantage!!!I had more fun than one can conceptualize only because I rarely sat down! First off, I worked a lot last week which is a win in any situation. Second, I got to see my family that I pretty much see every several months so...another win. Third, I went to Disneyland with my Alexis and Nico...let me just say that place NEVER gets old. Then...went to Las Vegas with my Family for New Year's Eve/Day and it was pretty sweet. Though for a good 60 minutes I wanted to be 21 just so I could walk into the nightclubs in the hotel we stayed at.

Pretty much did all that I wanted to this break. I saw a lot of Katy and Kayla!!! I saw Lauren quite a few times (but not as much as I wanted to!!!) I honestly don't know why I'm over using exclamation points but let's seize this moment. Ryan Applesauce Miller, since you were at Arkansas this entire time...we have a LOT of catching up to do. So much happened in just a course of 2 weeks. But...not in AP Macroecon of course...(I seriously hope Osterberg doesn't locate us in awkward distances, he would seriously hate hearing my loud voice from across the room because to be honest I need your enthusiasm for AP Government...white wigs, ftw).

Project 2010/RALAS/TastyVlogSnack officially starts in ONE DAY!!! Jenny is up first for MONDAY!!! I cannot wait the cuteness spew out of her video on Monday! I'm also going to start adding a last mark for my posts from now on...so here it goes..

What I'm Excited For:
-making my Wednesday video for TastyVlogSnack
-President's Week Off!!!
-My Birthday!
-3 Minimum Days next week!!!

and...I have way too many things to mention for the "what i'm not excited for" list so i just won't list them...

finally combusting?

2009-12-20T02:29:00.000-08:00

I finally believe I'm combusting so to say...Friday was the start of my "first day of winter break" and already it was completely stressful. Not only did I have to deal with the agony of waiting for that bell to ring at 11:50 am, but I also had to face my fear of yet another Unit Exam from AP Macroeconomics (which by the way I am completely tired of and wants to move on to AP Government already). It was my own personal hell, staying an hour after school when no other student was on campus, taking that hell of an exam. I swear, if I didn't have the "I never quit on anything I start" attitude, I would've switched out months ago.

Besides the "week before christmas break/christmas" stress, I realized that during my christmas break, I would technically only have TWO PERSONAL DAYS. WHAT?! I know! I'm not complaining that I've gotten more hours in a week than the norm (because $$$ is HIGHLY important right now) but I just wish I had the option to be whiny and mean it. If anything, I love my job but it's just the idea of not really having time to be a lazy teenager is what gets to me. Especially since I have a good reason or two? I've been stressing with school lately, trying to juggle college deadlines AND homework at the same time. Plus, this week is also OFFICIALLY "see all of your family each day" week. I can't even go into detail, but every day that I'm not working is like a family get together day. I guess there's no point to this blog besides venting my frustration as to how I don't really get to just "sit down" anymore....

Optimistic side: I've become pretty productive and physically active, running around and getting stuff done. I've finally had the money AND the time (sort of) to start my Christmas shopping..though I am completely behind. I finally can catch up (or try to) with my Book Challenge for 2009 that I set myself up for in January (which if I don't make, I will challenge myself again). I can somehow fit all of the homework and study guides I was assigned this Friday for Christmas break into my week? I don't work the 30th...uhm. I'm mostly being distracted by FAMILY this time and nothing stupid! Which I would rather have!

Finally, I believe I can go to sleep now? I honestly was getting my bed ready so I could just crash, but thought "Why type a post the next day when you're feeling better, when you can just type it up as it is and really let it out?" and so...I did. Embarrassing as it is, this is the truth and my life has been hectic this fall and winter. I'm hoping that all goes...easier? But if you were to ask me, I'd still answer, "Yes, it is all completely worth it."

Christmas Gifts Tackled:
-Katy
-Kayla
-Dad (though I did not wrap it or anything, just gave it to him today, he's been waiting for the Hangover dvd for too many months so I decided to just let him watch it).
Christmas Shopping Day(s) left: 3 DAYS.

deadline meltdown.

2009-11-25T20:39:00.000-08:00

I'm pretty sure that I am to blame for this one...pretty much I've been sitting here, on the laptop watching the letter cursor blink. I'm about finished with all of my college applications, the only thing missing are the personal essays. Seriously, I've been having horrible writer's block this entire week and now in the midst of pre-Thanksgiving night I'm still sitting here with less than a paragraph done. Don't get me wrong, lots of outlining going on as to what I should talk about but every time I make an attempt to piecing everything together it just sounds out of place. I've got to pull it together before Saturday! Saturday is my "turn it in" goal. UC Applications and other college apps aren't due until November 30th but I'm trying to avoid the whole "site not working at the last minute" thing.

How's everyone's Thanksgiving week off going? Mine is going nicely, except for the college essay stress...lots of sleep getting done. I believe my body has been retaliating from productivity because it's finally gotten a break and it knows when this "break" ends. Carpe diem I guess :] For once, my parents and I aren't exactly sure as to where we're spending Thanksgiving dinner this year. I just want to get these essays finished...

3 Months...too long.

2009-11-06T20:24:00.000-08:00

Greetings! Haven't made a blog post in awhile, so quick update:
-School has once again ruled my life.
-Anatomy & Physiology has to be my favorite class, wait, AP Literature actually is #2.
-October and November is so far the two craziest months of 2009.
-Been having the time of my life.
-Application to SFSU, finished and sent...now we shall wait.
-Other college applications MUST be done soon.
-Final SAT exam tomorrow morning, made a vow to get an amazing night's rest. Doing some quick studying before hand.
-Am picking my battles a bit better these days.
-I have a job! What can I say, I need the money desperately and thinking about having too much free time sounds like an awkward dream that I'd hope to wake up from...
-I officially joined the NaNoWriMo, though I am A WEEK behind everyone else...#fail.
-I am almost to 7,000 tweets.
-Trying to schedule college campus visits...getting there.
-Getting work done.
-I told myself 2 weeks ago that I'd turn in my academic resume to my teachers for recommendations, still haven't printed any out yet...I know...
-I'm missing Alexis and Nico. Seriously, those kids are amazing and can't wait to see them during the holidays.
-Holidays are coming up, you know what that means; ruining my "non-diet plan" that I planned for this year during the summer.
-Gifts that I have to start buying in advance, which my 4 best friends and Family deserve anyways.
-I just got paid $$$
-I really should be concentrating, however my OCD got to the best of me so therefore I posted a sad excuse of a post.

Autumn is going great, new things are happening. Very excited, and I will get to you all soon.

Monday Schoolday.

2009-08-24T21:22:00.001-07:00

It was the first day of my "sen10r year" of high school today. All of my classes seem pretty great; despite the future stress I just know I'll get from AP Macroeconomics. Haven't made a post in awhile, but decided to do one since I have the time to. I don't really have a major homework assignment tonight, just syllabus signing by my parents and printing out my essays for AP Lit. The yoush (my spelling for the abbreviation of usually, so help me). I'm really hoping my goals for this year happen; its definitely the busiest and craziest...and well most exciting. I'm very excited to get to SFSU already, but in the meantime I'm going to try my best to enjoy this one last year of high school. Its just hit me, had a busy day today and the tiredness has finally kicked in. Sorry for the lame blog.

In all, thanks for all the positivity via Twitter (katmanduherself @ twitter; do it, you'd love to). I'm honestly looking forward to all my courses this year: especially AP Lit, AP Macroeconomics, AP Government, and Anatomy & Physiology. Mainly Anatomy, everyone knows that's my favorite, its right up there next to AP Lit. Okay, going to write Alexis a letter. I've been bad lately with the whole "writing-each-other-everyday" thing. It is my turn this time to write first and haven't done so. :( I love my cousin as you all know but sometimes things like this fly over my head.

Hope everything goes smooth sailing with you all.

11:11 Wishes

2009-07-30T23:22:00.000-07:00

Of course I'm the type of gal that totally tenses up when by some magical coincidence I happen to look at the clock and what do you know! It's 11:11, which in traditional translations means that I should start shooting out a wish that I'd want to set alive. Well, that moment just passed a few minutes ago and I swear every time I make a wish I scan my mind for the absolute desire that I'd want to come true and say it as specific and blunt. I do keep repeating it until the clock strikes "11:12" (which I don't know if anyone else does but...I do just in case God needed me to say it again, not that I'm questioning the Lord's hearing...I'm totally not, I love him!). That's when my wish gets jumbled up at one point, then I find myself justifying myself. "No, I meant a GOLDEN fish with one stripe". Yeah, it's the simple things in life I wish for, not.

Update, I believe my stomach sickness has passed (after 4 days of unmentionable scrutiny from stomach cramps). I guess I just needed some rest from all the fun I've been having *reminisce* Which means I'm back to the routine I told myself I'd stick to...going to work out a bunch tomorrow, finish up my book, and then pick up where I left off at in Frankenstein (which I'm reading again just to refresh the noggin for the test I'll be taking on it during the first week of school). Which also reminds me, I need to start on Tale of Two Cities soon (Charles Dickens, so it's all good) because despite another three page essay, I'll also be tested on that. Woot.

To close this post, I'm in the mood for another post to show you guys the books I plan on reading the rest of this summer (and if I run out of time "the rest of the year") but whatever, I can do it, bro I'm on the third book of the House of Night Series (Yeah, I know they're actually small (200pages+) compared to the others but it counts!). I haven't been keeping tabs on how many books I've been reading (I stopped keeping tabs at Sense and Sensibility which was April?) which is bad, because I made a list the beginning of the year for my "50 in 2009" (Yeah, haven't forgotten!) so I need to update that soon and fast!

Lots to do, but it's the summer calling me to just stay and be lazy.
"Come...read infront of the fan...tis all you need to do, it's summer"

Lazy Sunday.

2009-07-26T22:23:00.001-07:00

Today was very laid back for me, despite the fact that I keep having random stomach pain. They felt like cramps but they were more on the abdomen. I know it's because of the over salted "orange" chicken I ate for dinner last night, from Panda (poopie) Express. I rarely go out to Panda Express, and I just hope that when I'm confronted with a Panda Express I don't cringe and refuse. However, it seems inevitable now. How do I put this in terms where it doesn't gross people out too bluntly? Ah! How about I just don't post it because I just typed it and it still looked wrong? Deal. Anyways, my stomach is VERY upset right now, the whole day. But it gave me the pleasure to finish my "Betrayed" book (House of Night series) and the ending was such a cliff hanger (I also got to the middle of Frankenstein, again. Yes, I'm re-reading it). I'm seriously thinking about going out tomorrow just to buy "Chosen" (third installment) just so I'm not thinking about how Zoey is going to deal with Neferet. I'm also planning to get "The Time Traveler's Wife". Definitely going to watch the movie that's coming out on August 14 so I want to read it before I see the movie. I already heard that they altered the way Eric Bana 'time travels' in the movie...but maybe for a good reason? All I know is that I get super excited when I se the trailer online or on tv....okay I'm done here. Going to rest more.

Home Sweet Home!

2009-07-26T22:10:00.000-07:00

Just got home on Friday and it was nice seeing my familiar yet estranged little town again. I've stayed with Alexis and my family up north for a month and several weeks and I've grown accustomed to her place and some how it made me feel like a visitor when we reached my town. It wasn't until we got to my house and my Father opened the door that I felt right at home. I finally got to see my parents after these many weeks that has gone by and it was really nice.

For you Twitter deprived out there, My Family and I visited Monterey, Carmel (which reminds me I have a lot of Yelping to do), several beaches along the way, Six Flags Magic Mountain, and Las Vegas. The trip was really great.

Now, Alexis, the person I consider as my sister (we even pretend we are in public when we go shopping, don't ask.), the person I saw before I went to sleep every night and the first person I saw when I woke is back up North. I can't believe that all this time has passed. I feel like my summer is going by so fast (though I still have quite a few more weeks). This summer was amazing though, I got to really enjoy most of my summer, and I enjoyed it with one of the people in my life that's closest to my heart. We went through a lot this summer: Pre-dawn movie nights, first-day-release movies at the box office, Style network Wedding shows, pool parties (that consisted only of her, Nico, and I), and surreal dreams that we tried to decipher the morning after.

I'm going to miss her in the time being, but until Thanksgiving break it's back to writing letters to each other back and forth and...well I guess texting. The funny thing is that I wake up sleeping on one side of the bed still, I have to get used to hogging the space again.

Frankenstein Binge.

2009-07-18T04:15:00.000-07:00

It's 4:15AM and the only reason why I'm making a blogpost right now is because a) I'm emailing my mom back b)I promised my followers on twitter I won't post another tweet about this book reading essay hour. I just finished Frankenstein in oh about 5 hours or so and I took about three hours to type up the three page essay that's technically due Friday. Reason for why I went on a reading-essay writing binge is because tomorrow or the next day my family and i are leaving for Six Flags and Las Vegas. Seeing that i'd have no wifi until gouda cheese knows when, i decided to get all my work that needs to be done to----day...I'm terribly sorry if this post is just off and blah. I'm running on no sleep right now and my fingers keep typing. They need to stop. Argh.

Tomorrow I'm going to pack every single thing (which is a lot) that I have. Probably after our vacation to Six Flags and Las Vegas my Family will swing by my house and drop me off instead of taking a plane ride home, which I don't mind either. I'd rather be stuck in a car with my cousins anyway, you heard right, they are that cool and just about the only people (and my parents) that I'd want to be stuck in a car with. Definitely going to pack the sims 3 game so Alexis and I can sim it up in the hotel room. Consider this my last blog post until I reach home (yet this can change if the hotel lets us use some wifi fo freeeee). Now you guys are updated and if you want everyday 140 charactered updates from me follow me on my twitter!!! going to nap/bed now guys!!! I'm sleeepy. But you already knew that.

Morning Quickie.

2009-07-16T10:51:00.000-07:00

Goodmorning!!! Felt like posting a "life update blogpost" for you guys this morning. I'm waiting for my turn with the toaster (bagel, yum) so I decided to do it now so I won't have 'must type up a new post' in my mind all day. Now that I've seen Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, I can now work on my essay that's due on the 24th for my AP Literature class. I have to read Frankenstein and write a three page essay before midnight of the 24th so which means I have to start reading either today or tomorrow. I'm pretty swift and flowy when it comes to typing up an essay for a book report so I know that process will only take two to three days for me, hopefully. I don't know when my arrival flight back home is (actual date) so I must finish up my work here up North. I am supposed to follow after my mom when she comes back from the Philippines so probably next week?

Like I said on my last two blog posts, it'll be such a weird schedule for me to fall back on. Not seeing Alexis when I wake up or when I walk around the house or basically do ANYTHING this summer is going to be the weirdest thing ever. I'll also expect to see Nico walking around waking me up in the mornings at my house...which I'll eventually have to get used to again (solitude). This post totally counteracts the title...I tried to be brief but I guess I just can't these days. Not going to fool around too much this or next week until my reading and essay is completely done. Off to have a great day with my Alexis and Nico!!! How's your guys' summer so far? Mine? Eventful and Promising.

"Being me has it's priveleges"

2009-07-16T00:02:00.000-07:00

Official Goodmorning to you Owl Bloggers out there!!! I just got back from the opening day showing of "Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince" with Alexis. First things first, when we got in, it was extremely packed and we had to choose the front seats (6th from the actual 1st seats at the bottom) and it was actually a very nice spot. I of course thought about possible neck strain but I didn't. The closest thing I got for sitting that close was a slight butt/tailbone ache (it's gone now). Plus, I didn't feel it until the end of the movie.

It honestly felt like a semi-imax experience. During each P.O.V it felt like I was right along with him. By the way, Alexis dressed up all Gryffindor'd out. While I stuck to my Tommy H. elbow length polo and covered the Tommy H. crest with the Gryffindor crest. We were the only two in that theatre showing potter pride but as soon as the film started, we were surrounded by fans that reacted along just as we did. But of course, I was the only one excited to see Ron Weasely every single time he came on screen.

The movie itself was very entertaining. This time, I really felt like they focused on the characters specifically which was funny and heartfelt. Of course I got choked up when Hermoine became disappointed in Ron. Of course I cried when Dumbledore died. It was such a weak fight, it didn't even seem fair. Yes, I know the movie "totally skipped around the whole book" blah, blah. For some reason, I love it nonetheless. It's beautiful as it is and I'm re-reading the series again. I think this might be my favorite by far, though the last five still have a place in my heart. I'm also going to finish the last one this time. It's been so long that I've nearly forgotten most of what the book had. After a full Harry Potter Marathon day with Alexis I'm still not Pottered out. I just love those books and mobies. I have to start building my collection. Hahaha. Right, so I'm going to bed now, well okay I lied. Soon. Going to answer some e-mails then I'm right off...sheesh, okay I'm going!!!

I very much recommend that you guys see this despite your views on book vs. movie. It's entertaining...lots of laughs.

Reminiscent Tuesday.

2009-07-14T16:04:00.000-07:00

Alexis is at a limo party today. I'm here at her house watching Wedding shows and HGTV. This is when I really miss her, my future Maid of Honor. It's going to be very awkward getting back to my old schedule when I come back home. I'm used to seeing her every single day that I forget she's not my actual blood-little sister. Though technically she is. She's always been there, and will always be. We've got each others back ever since I first held her hand (when I was three or four years old). I've always believed that God knew we were meant to be sisters that when it was physically impossible, he made us first cousins instead. I'm going to miss that kiddo when I go back to school. This is the last full summer I have to spend with her before I go off to college next fall (2010). I believe my Grandfather's death just made our bond unbreakable. I can't wait to see Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. We might see it on Friday or tomorrow. We're definitely seeing it in IMAX. I mean, come on...it's Harry Potter. I hope it's not completely sold out tomorrow though. That would suck. Alexis comes home at 10pm tonight. When she does, we're probably going to do another all nighter movie night, like we have been for the past month. I love it here because I have her here. I wish she was my actual sister, but I'm blessed to even have been her first cousin. I thank God everyday.

Like an Apple on the Tree...

2009-07-09T11:07:00.000-07:00

"Girls are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree."

What's on My Mind?

2009-07-01T23:01:00.000-07:00

It's 11 o'clock right now. I believe everyone is asleep besides me. Demi Lovato's song "Trainwreck" is still stuck in my head. I'm not sick of that song despite the number of times I've looped it the last couple of days. I just cleaned out my two Gmail accounts and I made folders (labels) and organzing and cleaning out my inbox was a pure delight. I feelt accomplished tonight!!!

I might start my running routine tomorrow morning right when I wake up. I'm afraid to because I'm running in my cousin's neighborhood that's stuper hilly and I don't have my phone charger. Therefore, it is dead right now. I can't believe that when it finally gets mailed in from my Uncle that i'll have to go through tons of text messages and Voicemails. sigh. Seriously, I need to start getting into shape. Tomorrow my cousin has her last day of summer school. I'm so excited. I signed up for a likaholix account. Pretty addicting. I just followed Scott Herman on Twitter. He seems like one of those conceited hot guys that's a total jerk but I could be wrong. It'd be so predictable if I wasn't. He is pretty good looking. Wow. I'm going to sleep now.

Post you all later!!!

I wish I went to school at the House of Night!!!

2009-06-30T18:10:00.000-07:00

Greetings from Sacramento!!! Won't tell you guys where I'm at exactly, but I'm here with my Family for what it feels like the rest of my summer. I'm very happy at the moment despite the few events that happened a week ago. I'm surrounded by the ones I love and I finally have another book series addiction. I'm still in the stage of "intruiged" but the Marked series has a great potential in my book-Heart. I just finished Marked yesterday and it took me a total of about 9 or 10 hours to finish it. I feel like I'm attatched to the main character than my norm. Usually, I'm attatched to more than one character or even the main character, but for some reason the main character just draws me closer than any of the other ones. But I guess Erik Night is pretty alluring, but he is NO Edward Cullen. Not even close. Nice try though! The whole 'kisses-wrist-then-bites-and-licks-blood-off-wrist' scene was a nice visual but, Edward Cullen has more class than that...and creativity. (I know, I'll stop typing...)

Of course, no other vampire series will replace the place where Twilight is in my heart. It's just not possible. Tee-hee. I've gone swimming quite a lot here. I'm totally darker and I have that T-shirt dark tan thing going on (Gross). Sigh, I just can't win sometimes. I don't know why, but reading Marked made me feel like transferring into a Private school. Anyone that had a dress code policy with requirements of plaid, khaki, and dark fall colors. I know weird. I felt the same urge when I read the Harry Potter series.

I saw Transformers 2 last Saturday and it was pretty epic. I'm very proud of my fiance, Shia LaBeouf. He was such a trooper since he filmed about half of the movie with broken fingers (and a cast). The action really kept me excited. Autobots--GO!!! It's a must watch!!!

I have 223 Followers on Twitter....*waves* "HI!!!" You guys are awesome, seriously.
I'm going to start on "Betrayed". I feel really good about the decision I made to buy the first and second book so I could just continue. Going to stop by Borders again right after I finish it so I could buy the next/last two books. I'm very excited for the next one after Betrayed, it's Chosen...

Other books that caught my eye:
-The Awakening

Post you guys later!!!

I'm back...and I have newwws!!!

2009-06-11T18:31:00.000-07:00

Today was finally our last day of school until August...crap, I forgot the exact date we come back. Whoops. Anyways, my last final was today (math) seriously I don't want to even go there, and my last period of the day was Volleyball so it was fun taking my "finals-frustration" out on a volleyball. Finals was pretty hectic, actually these last two months have. I haven't had the time..besides now to sit down and update you guys with some interesting things. Can you believe it? When I go back to school in August, I'll be a Senior!!! I'll be done with High School around this same time of the month next year...whoa.

Here is a quick updates throw at you guys: I've decided to go to the Coldplay concert in July and hopefully attend the No Doubt with Paramore concert in August (which I will most likely attend since Jacquie and her sister are going). I'm visiting my good friend Brie for one week before she leaves the country to live in Nepal. Saying Goodbye to her one more time is just going to be so difficult again. I'm definitely going back to El Dorado Hills (Sacramento) to be with my family for the rest of July (basically until the end of July and make it back just in time for the No Doubt with Paramore concert).

It actually depends on my family's say. Schedules change like crazy with us so let's see :] Then the rest of the summer is going to be spent going to Disneyland with Jacquie (and Katy), and working on my AP Literature summer work (writing a 3 page paper on both Frankenstein and Tale of Two Cities). It doesn't sound like a lot, but it actually is. School is back in session for me, mid-August so it really doesn't give me enough time to be lazy. Though I wish I could just lounge around for weeks on end, but I'm just the type of person that gains extra weight I don't need by doing so, being busy is what's good for me :]. I do promise however, a LOT of sleep. I'm also doing hours of workouts during the "daytime" at the closest gym whenever I'm here in town. I definitely need to get up to shape and loose all that post AP/SAT/Finals exam weight-stress!!!

Now here's the whole story about something that saved my academic heart:

One last thing about finals (besides me venting about how super stressful it was and how I hated the last two months) I need to tell you guys about something that could've broken my academic heart to pieces if I didn't do some demanding.

To keep it short, our school gives out 10% boosts on our finals (only second semester) and you basically get those boosts by what your STAR (state testing) scores were. If you score passing or higher (advanced) you get the boost in each subject you got passing grades for. A counselor several months back came into our AP English class and gave out slips that informed us where we'd be receiving those boosts for the finals we'd be taking at the end of the year. I didn't get one at the time. I just shrug my shoulders and thought "Well, maybe I'm wrong and I did horrible on all my subject tests for the STAR". Today I was proven wrong. I requested a "re check" from the VP in the office because I was just too desperate for the extra 10% and my good friend had went to the VP also because she just knew that she got advanced on her English portion, and she did but she wasn't on the list. It gave me confidence to rush over there and request that "re-check" and by golly, I got 10% boosts on ALL of my finals, which means I passed or passed with Advance on all of the subjects that I was tested on for STAR. Phew, my AP English project (our final) became a 104.5% !!!!

SPEAK

2009-05-16T23:15:00.000-07:00

(my favorite part of the movie--it made me cry a bit)

I've always believed that the obstacles or the joy that we experience through our lives are inevitable and of the upmost significant. A person can defy themselves through experiences and afterwards they can choose their direction to improve, or stay the same. This may seem like it's mostly coming from my optimistic side, but I believe no one fails after their mistakes. Which comes to mean that if you find yourself in either the same situation and don't apply your knowledge with the present situation--you still don't fail. You keep going. You fall, and you make the same mistakes over again, but somehow even in the deepest end you have a true epiphany. With any experience, I believe we all learn it just depends if we accept the truth or let away at us. Everyone has a voice; though there are those who cannot physically speak they do have their ways. No matter how long it takes; hope is always waiting for one to recognize one's individual brilliancy.

Being a Kristen Stewart fan since her movie "Panic Room", I have to say that Melinda (SPEAK) is by far my top 5 of roles Kstew has portrayed. Throughout the whole movie I was so focused on her mind set, and how she viewed her surroundings ever since that incident she went through. The character was so riveting that when she came around and knew what she had to do, I was struck by the message. The movie really tugged on my heart strings when Melinda (KStew) shows her art teacher (Steve Zahn) her hidden room in the school filled with her drawings of trees (symbolism).

When I saw Zahn's eyes water, and KStew's eyes search for approval--I was attacked with a short clench in my throat and I saw the beauty of the character in watercolors. With this movie I was instantly latched onto the character and her pain. I had the deepest sympathy and I was very proud of her at the end.

I would most definitely recommend anyone to watch this movie. I appreciate Kristen Stewart even more now as not only an actress--but a person. To be able to capture that in a movie is just beyond brilliancy. Kristen performed in such simplicity that it awed me. It was so natural to her. Please do watch the movie SPEAK. It's on YouTube, I recommend watching it through "WeLoveMcFlyForever" channel.

NOTE: I thought it was incredibly adorable how Michael Angarano and Kristen Stewart had the faintest spark of some puppy love going on here. Watching it now, and knowing that they've been going on strong (yes they are dating) since they were 16 years old is just so nice. I'm betting they met on this set and that's when something ignited? Anyway, they had great chemistry in the film!

Goodnight.

#41 Hottest Girl On YouTube?!

2009-05-13T00:34:00.001-07:00

Whoa? What?! Thanks to @buzzbros2002 I'm now aware that I'm one of the "Hottest Girl on YouTube". This really didn't make sense to me at first, it still doesn't. Since when was a harry potter frenzied, twi-hard, wizard ogre-slaying, tech geek, nerdy short asian girl HOT? Aren't 'hot' girls supposed to be tall, bodacious, with a booty or two? Well according to some 'anonymous internet addict' and Internet Addicts.com(?), i'm "HOT"... I still don't get it, but thanks to a fellow Twitter follower, I now know I'm labeled as 'hot'? Foreign word for me...It was never used to describe me before. I think this is a really late April fools joke...

The strangest part is the comment this dude made for the description as to why I am #41...
Yay?! Thanks creepy internet *cough* stalkers i mean addicts....

and here's the link ---->http://4-ch.net/iaa/kareha.pl/1154709947/

Not sure if I should take it as a compliment and be flattered or creeped out?

Either way...thanks?

Great I'm tomato red now...

Hectic.

2009-05-12T18:51:00.000-07:00

Exams for this week:

AP English Exam
Chapter 19 Chemistry test
Packets of make up work due by Friday
Lots of studying (AP/SAT IIs)

I knew making up for my whole week of absence was going to be horrifying (make up work) but...I just can't deal. I guess I am, because I'm doing all my work right now but I think my Summeritis is just kicking in again. I have a lab write up that I have to turn in by Friday, and in some way I'm going to have to stalk down a person that can get their data table so I could copy their data (since the lab was last week, all have turned them in...so quite a task hunting one down).

When did I make this stupid rule that I couldn't post a blog until June 11th?! Huh?! Huh?! It's a great idea so I could focus but blogging is just apart of my life routine...I'd feel awkward if I haven't done a post in awhile. My AP English exam is tomorrow...and most of my classmates are pretty much done with their AP exams after tomorrow...I am not because I was absent and now I'm taking it next week (20th). Plus I have two SAT II exams to study for...yay.

I want it to be summer already. I need to paint my room, buy two night stands, my bed post, and rearrange my room by the time my Uncle, Aunt, and two cousins come this month. Possible? Maybe not, due to time crunch. I also want to re-do my bathroom. I want it to be summer already.

I threw in the towel today, and informed ASB that i won't be in the running for ASB Historian. Instead I'm the Volleyball team's "Team Manager". Woot woot! As much as I would've loved to sacrifice for ASB, I just can't do it next year. I am aiming for a high goal (4.0 or higher GPA) and I don't see it happening if I'm missing so many classes. It's a loose-gain situation.

Speaking of summer, I plan to go to all these concerts (Muse, Coldplay, The Hush Sound (?), Paramore & No Doubt...), going to apply to a gym, go to Brie's (Virginia) before she leaves for Kathmandu, Nepal (I know, what a coincidence!) for 2 weeks or so, more time with friends, and spend the remaining vacant weeks at my cousin Alexis Alice's house in Sacramento!!!

Totally busy this Summer. I cannot wait. Back to math homework :/

Wish me luck on the AP English exam I'm taking tomorrow!

Let's just say this...

Arriverderci...for now.

the week warrior.

2009-05-10T18:16:00.000-07:00

This week was crazy busy. First, monday was stressing me out because not only did I have to study for my AP Exams coming up (one that was on Friday, and now one this Wednesday) but I suddenly had to take a week off from school to visit my Grandfather at Sacramento (long story, really personal, I don't want to get into it) and so the next morning my mother and I took the earliest flight to there.

I honestly don't know what it is about airports or airplanes but whenever I'm in check in, security check, or boarding on the plane it feels like I'm going off to adventure--no matter what my purpose was as to why I'm flying in the first place. There you have it, I love airports, the rush of all things there and the airplane ride itself too.

In all, this whole week was spent visiting my Grandfather and spending valuable time with my immediate family (aunt, uncles, Grandmother, Grandfather and three younger cousins). I got to be there for my Grandfather which was the best part, and seeing my fourteen year old Alexis Alice was very nice too.

Two nights ago, after watching Ghost Of Girlfriend's Past and Bride Wars with Alexis Alice, I made a promise...more like oath to her that I'd make her my Maid Of Honor when that special time in my life comes around. She of course promised she would, and claimed that I would most likely be engaged to wed when I'm 28 years old. Now it's just a bet, as to whether or not it's going to happen by 28.

I've thought about marriage a few times before, and yes I know how serious marriage is and that it's not just a 3 month thing. Trust me. I didn't have to think twice when I decided that I would have my baby cousin, more like little sister as my Maid Of Honor. We've been together ever since we were babies/toddlers and despite her being my first cousin (mother's side) she is the only girl-cousin I trust, confide in, and put first all the time. We grew up with each other side by side, as sisters do. We've shared most things, as sisters do. She's always loved me no matter what kind of day it is. Truly, I see her as a sister. She's that piece of my heart that no one else could replace. It's more than obvious that she should be there by my side with that life changing moment!

It's set, no matter who I meet in college, medicine school, or wherever--no one will replace the spot she belongs in. Even the Maid Of Honor spot. She's my Alexis 'Alice Cullen'. She's irreplaceable.

Whoah, that just went really emotional! I guess I just miss her. Even though I'm seeing her next month, I still do.

Oh, and about the ASB thing, yeah...I just don't know anymore. I'm trying to think logical and not with my head in the clouds anymore. Realistically, three AP classes next year...Senior year...I think I need that extra 3 hours of sleep to keep me sane. I'm hoping to break the 4.0 mold into a 4.4? I can't risk slipping in grades next year. Yet, I stand indecisive. I'll let you guys know if I've made a real decision.

(I know I arriverderci'd and everything last post but I finally found time and this update was post worthy)

After the 'decision' post, it is REALLY arriverderci until June 11th (when I get out of school).

The Busiest Time Of The Year

2009-04-30T17:43:00.001-07:00

I haven't posted a decent blog post in weeks....or have they accumulated to months? Whoops. I'm sorry! The purpose of this post is to basically justify as to why I haven't been vlogging or blogging. A lot of you may know, I am an AP student (Advanced Placement) and it does take up most of my life...I mean time and that's primarily the reason why I haven't been active in the blogging world. Mid-April through the first two weeks of June are officially the busiest moments of my life as of right now. I've been preparing for not only my SAT exams but my AP exams as well. My first SAT exam is this Saturday (during Prom, I don't even want to get into that) and my first AP English and Composition exam is in the first week of May. Next, my AP US History exam proceeds the upcoming week. Following those exams, I have a break of 2-3 weeks of hardcore studying for my SAT II exam (June). On top of all of that, I still have finals in my regular classes to worry about and school work to get done (which are heavy most of the time). Next year, my initial plan was to have 5 periods (instead of 6 classes, just 5) and not have a first period which means I get to sleep in until 8AM (which totally beats waking up at 5AM every morning) but my plans seem to have changed.....

Recently, I got interested in ASB (Associated Student Bodies) and if you may not know it's basically A LOT of work (from what i've seen and heard). I've been debating with myself and a few close friends of what I should do about this whole thing, whether or not I should join ASB because I knew that it would just add extra stress on myself and it would be nearly impossible to sleep before 4AM every night. After a few pros and cons and internal battles, I've finally reached my conclusion. I've decided to run for ASB Historian Commissioner and graduate with the best I can be.

I've realized that all this stress is just an obstacle, a huge ogre I'd have to slay millions of times to just get by, but I believe that it would definitely improve the person that I am. Right now I'm pretty self indulgent and I get things done before deadline...but at my pace. I'm sure with ASB I'll have to quicken my pace and work at a set time. Like my friend Martha said "We have to alter ourselves, not let the world alter for us" and she's completely correct. I'm readying myself for University in the fall of 2010 and I do have to prove it to my parents, teachers, peers, but most importantly myself that I am ready and prepared for anything that can be thrown at me. I need to be able to handle stress correctly and to basically better myself. It's not going to get any easier, nor are any tasks going to be impossible. I just have to change myself before I jump into college. It's better to learn most of these things now than later in college. I know I can do it, I just have to give up big time procrastination.

I need to learn how to get on the computer without opening up a new tab and surfing the internet at the same time I'm doing a paper. I need to learn how to do all of my academics right when I get home, instead of watching That 70s Show until 6PM. I need to learn how to do all of my studying and homework so I can sleep before 2AM.

In all, this experience can only benefit my well being and though it may give me stress I believe it's what God wants me to do. To grow up, have faith in myself to achieve, and exert a lot more effort for my school mates also. Like I've told myself before, it will all pay off.

This is my farewell blog post until after June 13th, I'll be free to blog and vlog all day!!! In the meantime, I've got to hit the books and work hard!!!

Arriverderci until June 13th!!!

Rise and tide.

2009-04-08T23:41:00.000-07:00

today was quite amazing. My best friend Brie from Virginia (originally a California girl), that i've been best friends with for seven years planned a big surprise for me today. It took her many people to plot this with and it was successful, though I was informed later, I still had the same enticement as I would've if I didn't know she was coming. I was barely coherent the last two periods of school, I was over filled with excitement and happiness, nothing could've brought me down from my high. I yelled and jumped and screamed and hugged my Brie a bunch!!! Dinner was great, and I got to see Brie, her sister Brooke, and their aunt Brenda. Of course, there was a goodbye, or three, and like I knew I would--I cried. The same side of my heart began to burn again as I knew this wasn't the last goodbye for my best friend and I, we'd have to experience this again in June. It's always hard saying goodbye to a best friend, but it's even more difficult saying goodbye to my sister. I'll miss her these couple of months, until June, I'll be seeing you!

Ps. Pictures from tonight will be posted on this same blog post ASAP!!!

Eternal Love.

2009-03-24T23:15:00.000-07:00

"She was there - expecting me, naturally." He chuckled once.

"She hopped down from the high stool at the counter as soon as I walked in and came directly

toward me. It shocked me. I was not sure if she meant to attack. That's the only interpretation of

her behavior my past had to offer. But she was smiling.

And the emotions that were emanating from her were like nothing I'd ever felt before,"

'You've kept me waiting a long time,' she said.

(Jasper - p. 301)

"And you ducked your head, like a good Southern gentleman, and said 'I'm sorry, ma'am.'"

Alice laughed at the memory.

(Alice - p.301)

Jasper smiled down at her.

"You held out your hand, and I took it without stopping to make sense of what I was doing.

For the first time in almost a century, I felt hope."

(Jasper - p. 301)

Alice grinned.

"I was just relieved. I thought you were never going to show up."

(Alice - p. 302)

Because really, only a Cullen can Love you Forever ;D

...my display of fascination towards Alice, and Jasper. I love those two. :D

Alice is amazing! *girl giddy crush!*

That was my post! XD

My new favorite word.

2009-03-11T00:33:00.000-07:00

Façade

"Façades can be destructive because they are used to seduce others into an illusion..."

-Et tu, Brute?

--Caesar

One of the many examples why I love this word. FAH-SAHD. *winks*

Google it if you don't know what the definition is weirdo!

That was my lame attempt to 'updating' my blog!

Not a cloud in the sky.

2009-02-18T15:08:00.000-08:00

Alas, a new video blog!

Sure, the sun's out and there's not a cloud in the sky...but I still wish the sky was filled with clouds all around. I love clouds. Rainstorms. Thunder. You name it. The sound of rain violating on my roofs and lawn actually soothe me. I know odd little thing i am. Gray and gloomy is beautiful. Cloudy and blue is pretty too. Can't wait for the sunset today. Should be a beautiful array of magenta and tangerine aye? Just sitting here, waiting for a subway sandwich. Do you guys like their Chipotle sauce? I do. Hmm. Please do comment, rate, my new video and if you haven't subscribe to my YouTube.

Wanting to make more videos this week so I could finally get rid of the first video I did. *blushes* it's horrible. I can't get "Cloud Season" by John Platters out of my head. I hope I got his name correct. Whoops. What to say, what to say. I love you?

Planning ahead?

2009-02-17T16:23:00.000-08:00

I was thinking, just now. Since I've grown a fixation with 19th century films, Romance films to be exact...I think i'd rather have my 18th Birthday party as a 19th century theme, a Garden Party..."Tea Party". Wouldn't that be wonderful? Scones...coffee cakes...jasmine tea. Delightful.

g'day mate.

2009-02-17T14:59:00.000-08:00

today is a very chill day. just some thoughts I'd like to blog, while listening to Tal Bachman. I need to buy some DVDs soon. Atonement, Pride & Prejudice, Sense & Sensibility, You've Got Mail, and When Harry Met Sally. There's more Ben and Jerrys in the freezer. I need a hair cut. I'm contemplating on what I should do with my chin length fringe, keep it or do a new do? I don't know. Hmph. decisions , decisions.

Those three words...

2009-02-15T17:33:00.001-08:00

You've.Got.Mail.

You've Got Mail. My all time favorite Romance movie. It's a classic. It's one of the first Romance films I've seen as a child and I've grown to have an undying passion for this movie. It's memorable in so many ways. Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan are the creme brulee of all Romance films. They are the root in fact. No one belongs better with Meg than Tom, vice versa. The dialogue, the scenery, the chemistry. I've always found the art of this movie so moving and awing. Like many young ladies as myself, I was grown up to appreciate Romance movies, and therefore become a Hopeless Romantic.

In my point, what makes a great Romance film, any film actually are the leading characters. In fact, I don't think I could grow attached to the story itself if the leading lady is no where near right. No matter how beautiful the story may be, or how beautiful the handsome man could be, it will not cling to me unless the leading lady is anything but captivating. What I love about Meg Ryan, is that she no matter what, seems to always capture the essence of that character. Not only does she portray the role, she is he role. She puts heart and soul into her work of art. She let's us feel what the character feels. Safe to say, after all these years, she has not missed a single step out of line. Somehow, this certain character she played in this single movie has simply mirrored the very essence of no other, than myself. Kathleen Kelly, a woman living in New York City with her boyfriend, a bookstore owner (whose mother was the original owner) of "The Shop Around The Corner", cunningly smart, a true soul attachment to Jane Austen (Pride and Prejudice), and a hopeless and irrevocable Romantic like myself. She loves books, and could name you a list of some recommendations on the spot, she has the deepest love for her mother, and she has the deepest passion for anything art, especially Literature.

Kathleen Kelly and I not only share first names, not only general interests, lifestyles, but hearts. She knows what she wants in a lover, and in a person. She's sure and levelheaded, and most of all apologetic to many things she's said or done that she not necessarily intended. Meg Ryan has truly captured the essence of Kathleen Kelly and I am of the upmost grateful to the highest heavens that she got to play the role. For I could not, or ever think of a better actress to fill in the momentum. Meg Ryan, I will forever be in your debt in the slightest ways. For you have woven the essence of this amazing character in front of my brown eyes. You are apart of my being, the meaning of why I am the way I am today. I am forever the person I am today, and will not change it even for Tom Hank's sake. For you have mirrored my ever more characteristics for many to watch, and fall in love with. It will never be difficult for one to find me anymore. For they have seen the demonstration you unraveled.

Walden Pond

2009-02-06T00:07:00.000-08:00

Walden Pond, an incredulous Heaven on Earth

I just got done with my homework, and a light bulb just lit. I remembered a year ago, in the beginning of school when we read Walden & Civil Disobedience. It was a mezmerizing experience for me, and it served me some brain stimulation loving. I was drawn to his way of writing. His analogies. His analyzations. Him. I appreciated Ducat for this because he introduced me to an amazing author I probably would have never thought of, unless I saw some pictures about it (Walden Pond) online. In all, I believe Henry David Thoreau was an amazing writer, and an epic part of Literature history. Actually, history!

So in the midst of putting myself together to turn out the lights after homework, I remembered how passionate I was about setting up a trip to Walden pond. I promised myself I'd visit there not only my teen/young adult years but hopefully I'd take my own children and family there when the time comes. To sit there, and have a picnic, or read Walden while taking in the beauty. Sounds like a plan. And so, I thought I'd have it in "type" of this promise. Promise that I'll one day (soon) visit Walden pond, take a lot of pictures, visit his little cabin, have a picnic on the grass while reading Walden or another book. Lastly, get lost in the forest perhaps? I shall drop bright flowers to remember where the main land was.

Just typing this is making me excited. I should stop. Because I have to wake up for class at 5 am...as always. So..I'm stopping. Thanks for reading. Goodnight!!!

In an honest stand point.

2009-02-05T17:36:00.000-08:00

WARNING: Pretty lengthy but is my 'spiel' on Love, for myself. Consider this as a "Valentines Day" inspired blog. Please do feel free to share it with a special someone, or take into consideration. I have poured my energy into this and it was of the upmost meaningful.

Any feedback is much appreciated and well sought out.

Enjoy.

Currently, I am not interested in a man what so ever (excluding Shia Labeouf he will always be my only actor/celebrity crush). Nor am I interested in a High School fling.

The reason being is from a very humble stance, I just don't believe any of the guys this age (my age) are ready for the kind of relationship I imagine with a guy. I'm way past the naive beliefs on 'love' and through experience I want to be loved by a man that whole heartedly will do anything in his own power (with better judgement) to have me as his own Soulmate. I'm not saying that the guy should be Grade A 100% Flawless but, someday I would want that certain guy, seeking for me, to be one that fits my standards.

I'm never too picky on things, but with relationships and the person I choose to be with...I am. I don't swoon over just any guy. He's had to do something beneficial for myself, himself, and especially others. I guess I can go on forever about what I look in for a man, but I'm a kind person and I won't shoot you down with a overly extended rant about "Who I want and When I want it".

One of the few things I will admit to you all though is that once we've met, and grown on each other, I want him to seek me, and only me. For I would not share his love for me in that way with anyone else. It's just one of those few things i'm selfish about. I do not want him to even think that I'd push my feelings towards him more than he is. After all, I've always believed that men were meant to show us their undivided affection for just his one girl. If he wants me, he will go through every path there is on that trail to get to me. It won't be easy because I've been through too much to just pour my all into something I'm not 100% sure of. Yes, there would be that 'feeling' of assurance when the time comes and the right man enters into my life but I will need more than just the basics.

Above and beyond (to a reasonable extent) is the only thing I ask for. If he may do it, though it may be a challenge I would forever love him irrevocably, faithfully, and wholeheartedly. I would be his, and he would be min. Until then, I will wait forever more, until the right man finds me (hopefully during college or afterwards). I do not regret any of the relationships I have been in the past because they all made me realize what kind of person I was, and what I deserved. I deserved more than the mind can think of, and I won't accept anything lower. Love is something I don't mess around with and it's just one of those things I urge for but wouldn't mind waiting for.

I may not know what each and every woman wants in her ideal man, but what's important is that I know what I want in my 'ideal man'. So I'm going to make an analogy, from a fiction based world, and the real world..our world. In Twilight (throughout all of the next three books), it is very clear that Edward Cullen cannot listen to Bella's thoughts at all. Though he can hear everyone else's...Bella's thoughts remain to only herself. Throughout the saga, Edward grows frustrated not being able to listen to her thoughts and like everyone else has to learn what she wants through her saying so.

Each time there is a moment where her forehead creases (indicating that she's deep in thought, worried, or realized something) he always says the same thing to her: "I wish I could hear what you're thinking right now, please tell me, I want to know". He asks, eagerly wanting to know if there is anything he can do to help with. He stops, and let's her tell him. He does this so in a non-forecful matter, letting what must be said without control. He cares to know what could be the matter and how he can be strong for the both of them. He does not hear her, but listens to her. Both are of the upmost different, believe me. He waits for her words, affirming that she wants his help, no one else's. But you see, she let's him know these things because she's grown a trust with him, she's assured herself that he is worth any pain. He urges to know if there's anything he can comfort....most importantly, he wants to know for his own comfort. The love that emants from Edward is an immense and surreal kind, so foreign to our society these days. The clarity is there and I never have to second guess if he really does love her. I am not one for comparing Fiction-based love/reality/men to real life but it was one that I could not withstand. For this epiphany I'm sharing will wake up a few out there.

Like Edward, so many men ask the question "What is she thinking about?" or in more specific terms "What does she really want?". We all know you can't stand not knowing so, but if you must know, you must seek for us first. We must be your target, the one thing driving you mad with hysterics, being without you. You must seek for our trust, faith, and mostly our hearts. We think below sea level deep. We try to analyze you and your capabilities of loving us. We wonder if it's worth it, and if we've made the right decision. We think about our prides that we swallowed and the deadly decision we have committed, holding out our hearts within our palms for your taking, for you to handle with all your might. We want a man that knows when to make the decisions and when to let us fend for our own. We want a man who can respect for our thoughts and let them matter. We want a man to ask what we 'want' and what we're 'thinking' for engaging into our thoughts and intentions is key into any kind of relationship. We want something deep between us to unravel, to grow, to never end. We also want a man who could be himself with us, and not act any different to any other. We want you to come as yourselves with no hesitation.

Despite it's fragility, our hearts are stronger than the most ugliest deceits imaginable, and we will and always have mended them with our own two hands.

I never was the co dependent type, nor will that ever be the case but in all, I need a man, no, my Soulmate, that can do what he was sent here to do.

Whom else would I risk the greatest pain for other than him, and him only? For that kind of Love is irreplaceable once it's met.

Whatever may that 'sent her to do' be? If that's the question you may be asking, this whole spiel has flown over your head and all I can say now is..Google it.

Feelings.

2009-01-31T15:58:00.000-08:00

My life has always been of the upmost Wonderful. I've been blessed with a mission in life, a forever on going road to live for, my Family. My life revolves around them, and they are the reason for my being. My biggest fear is leaving the world one day, leaving them without a rest in their hearts and true knowledge that I have always loved them ever so deeply. That I have always had the best respect in them and their decisions. That I have lived a life possible because of them. They are the root of all my success and ease. There would be nothing I wouldn't do for anyone of them. Especially my Parents. Even though I am so very blessed with these wonderful people, at times, I feel like I'm alone. Alone emotionally. My pessimistic side starts of over shadow my insides, and it off sets a mirror image of what's really happening. The reality that I refuse, with all my mind to even think of. A mere image of this alternate reality makes me debilitated. The fact that I could feel everyone that matters the most to me drift farther away from me makes me frustrated in the most terms, knowing not only that I did something to make this unravel, but as if it's too late for me to change fate.

Whenever the moment comes, someone is either walking out of the conversation so they wouldn't be condescended, or someone has done something utterly important without my knowledge or inform. It's enough that I feel helpless, but why must I be left in the dark at most times? These people that I talk about, are my Family. Everything that I feel for more or think of more thoroughly has always been my Family. They are my life and at the hours, I feel like I'm just nugatory compared to my love for them. What must I do? Keep fighting for that? To never stop expressing my undying love for my Family? I shall, it won't be easy, but it won't be hard. All in all, it's just one of those things I cannot, and will not give up on: my forever radiating love for my Family.

No Subject

2009-01-18T15:12:00.000-08:00

Trying this new blog site out, I already have my Wordpress up and running but see this as a more personal blog than anything really...

Type Type Type.

I've got nothing to saaay.