New places, New changes.

It's 2 o'clock in the morning and I should probably be asleep right now. However, I've found the difficulty to do so for some odd reason. It is times like these where I wish I didn't have the need to update this blogpost. To just click on that button and open up a new tab for YouTube and catch up on some subscriptions that I've missed since. Where I didn't have the feeling of remorse just thinking about avoiding this new post, but it must be typed. It must be said. There are many things that must be told in this post that I in someways should be kept because even the person who broadcasts some aspects of her life should be kept from the public but it's necessary; all of this really is.

Returning to my blog was somewhat heart wrenching in the way that it made me feel absolutely wrong for not posting something within these past 6 months. That's the case though, I didn't want to just post 'something'. I purposely put off this blog post because 6 months ago I decided that if I were to type up my next post it would have to be of something meaningful. Therefore, I promised myself that: I would not create another post for the blog until I am at "full peace" with myself. That time is now.

As much as you saw this coming, so many things have happened these past several months. Within these 6 months I have: Graduated High School (in Gold, woo!), fallen in love with the one person who's meant every bit of everything to me, cried multiple times, had a summer where I had no "summer homework assignments", not been home before midnight for weeks on end, visited the Bay area/NorCal several times, went to my Freshman orientation, went apartment hunting in one of the most brutal cities to do so, found an apartment with one of my closest friends (whom also blogs link to that here: ), got so much closer to Jose in such surreal lengths, fallen out of love with the one person who means every bit of everything to me, unexpectedly tied bonds with someone I had a brief run in with from the past, said goodbye to not only my Home and my Parents but to the friends who've made the last 3 years more than bearable in High School, moved into a completely different environment, and still continuing to adapt.

This summer has done so much for me. All that I am completely thankful for. I feel as if this summer has given me the extra growth that I needed to start my life here, in San Francisco. It has taught me to appreciate the finer things in life. Not necessarily the "what could've been" but "what it is". I've come to appreciate the present even more than the future. I have learned that in so many ways whatever happens, happens. It is an event, it has been done and now it is finished. There is no other road but to keep moving forward. Naturally, I tend to dwell on the decisions I have made but now I've grown fond with the art of acceptance. Just because it doesn't fit to your standards, it isn't over and it isn't a mistake. It is undoable but it all falls into place the way it should be.

Funny the way things work out though. Going back to previous blogposts, I would've never thought that Katy AND Kayla wouldn't be in my life whatsoever in a few short months. With that story, I have learned that people change over a course of time. Whether it be a week so several months, people change all the time. The minute you have to cut them out is when you just know and feel it inside. Of course I wish them both the best of happiness but I just don't need anyone in my life that would let certain incidents ruin a friendship. Personally, communication is key and I believe that's what really tore us apart. The fact that none of us would like to keep in contact and we just all started to view our wants and needs in life differently. That I wouldn't have the same ties I did with a few other people I was certain would always be somewhat drifting around in my life. I didn't even know Brendon Joshua (http://www.coffeeontuesday.webs.com/) I would reunite again after a year's worth of not direct conversation. Most importantly, I would've never thought that I would fall out of love so instantaneously the way I did these past two months of Summer. Ultimately, I had prayed that my love was strong enough. That I was patient enough to endure rough patches in our simple relationship of a friendship, but that too was falling apart. For months it felt as if I kept leaping a step ahead when really I was taking three leaps backwards.

It is also nice to know that a particular person that I've known of quite awhile now walked into my life like a breath of fresh air and literally showed me exactly what I wanted in another person. From him I have learned so much about myself and my needs than anything else. It was the first time I have experienced unselfishness on the "other" person's behalf. It was the first time I have witnessed passion directed towards me in the way I'd hoped but never received or ask. To me, all of it was completely important. It has instilled the confidence I now carry when looking for the next guy. Not "Mr. Right" nor "Mr. Right Now" but "Mr. Just Right". It has strengthened me for what's to come later on in life, and possibly other Men who could showcase additional aspects to target for.

I must say though, I am completely happy with the way everything has turned out. I'm here in San Francisco, one of the most beautiful cities to live and love in. I have the health of not only myself but my family and close friends. I have the foundation of friends to always come to and to always visit whenever I go home. I have the ability to succeed yet again and finally get some mind stimulation from my first year of college. Everything is just perfect the way it is. I've kept the friendships I needed to keep because I felt how everlasting they truly were. I am simply satisfied and happy with the way my life is going. I'm still keeping those dreams alive although there are many times where it gets difficult to do so, focus is key.

I have loved, I have hurt, I have healed, and I have prayed so much to the Lord to give me the strength, but I have yet to Live fully. So until that day, consider this blog alive.