WARNING: Pretty lengthy but is my 'spiel' on Love, for myself. Consider this as a "Valentines Day" inspired blog. Please do feel free to share it with a special someone, or take into consideration. I have poured my energy into this and it was of the upmost meaningful.
Any feedback is much appreciated and well sought out.
Enjoy.
The reason being is from a very humble stance, I just don't believe any of the guys this age (my age) are ready for the kind of relationship I imagine with a guy. I'm way past the naive beliefs on 'love' and through experience I want to be loved by a man that whole heartedly will do anything in his own power (with better judgement) to have me as his own Soulmate. I'm not saying that the guy should be Grade A 100% Flawless but, someday I would want that certain guy, seeking for me, to be one that fits my standards.
I'm never too picky on things, but with relationships and the person I choose to be with...I am. I don't swoon over just any guy. He's had to do something beneficial for myself, himself, and especially others. I guess I can go on forever about what I look in for a man, but I'm a kind person and I won't shoot you down with a overly extended rant about "Who I want and When I want it".
One of the few things I will admit to you all though is that once we've met, and grown on each other, I want him to seek me, and only me. For I would not share his love for me in that way with anyone else. It's just one of those few things i'm selfish about. I do not want him to even think that I'd push my feelings towards him more than he is. After all, I've always believed that men were meant to show us their undivided affection for just his one girl. If he wants me, he will go through every path there is on that trail to get to me. It won't be easy because I've been through too much to just pour my all into something I'm not 100% sure of. Yes, there would be that 'feeling' of assurance when the time comes and the right man enters into my life but I will need more than just the basics.
Above and beyond (to a reasonable extent) is the only thing I ask for. If he may do it, though it may be a challenge I would forever love him irrevocably, faithfully, and wholeheartedly. I would be his, and he would be min. Until then, I will wait forever more, until the right man finds me (hopefully during college or afterwards). I do not regret any of the relationships I have been in the past because they all made me realize what kind of person I was, and what I deserved. I deserved more than the mind can think of, and I won't accept anything lower. Love is something I don't mess around with and it's just one of those things I urge for but wouldn't mind waiting for.
I may not know what each and every woman wants in her ideal man, but what's important is that I know what I want in my 'ideal man'. So I'm going to make an analogy, from a fiction based world, and the real world..our world. In Twilight (throughout all of the next three books), it is very clear that Edward Cullen cannot listen to Bella's thoughts at all. Though he can hear everyone else's...Bella's thoughts remain to only herself. Throughout the saga, Edward grows frustrated not being able to listen to her thoughts and like everyone else has to learn what she wants through her saying so.
Each time there is a moment where her forehead creases (indicating that she's deep in thought, worried, or realized something) he always says the same thing to her: "I wish I could hear what you're thinking right now, please tell me, I want to know". He asks, eagerly wanting to know if there is anything he can do to help with. He stops, and let's her tell him. He does this so in a non-forecful matter, letting what must be said without control. He cares to know what could be the matter and how he can be strong for the both of them. He does not hear her, but listens to her. Both are of the upmost different, believe me. He waits for her words, affirming that she wants his help, no one else's. But you see, she let's him know these things because she's grown a trust with him, she's assured herself that he is worth any pain. He urges to know if there's anything he can comfort....most importantly, he wants to know for his own comfort. The love that emants from Edward is an immense and surreal kind, so foreign to our society these days. The clarity is there and I never have to second guess if he really does love her. I am not one for comparing Fiction-based love/reality/men to real life but it was one that I could not withstand. For this epiphany I'm sharing will wake up a few out there.
Like Edward, so many men ask the question "What is she thinking about?" or in more specific terms "What does she really want?". We all know you can't stand not knowing so, but if you must know, you must seek for us first. We must be your target, the one thing driving you mad with hysterics, being without you. You must seek for our trust, faith, and mostly our hearts. We think below sea level deep. We try to analyze you and your capabilities of loving us. We wonder if it's worth it, and if we've made the right decision. We think about our prides that we swallowed and the deadly decision we have committed, holding out our hearts within our palms for your taking, for you to handle with all your might. We want a man that knows when to make the decisions and when to let us fend for our own. We want a man who can respect for our thoughts and let them matter. We want a man to ask what we 'want' and what we're 'thinking' for engaging into our thoughts and intentions is key into any kind of relationship. We want something deep between us to unravel, to grow, to never end. We also want a man who could be himself with us, and not act any different to any other. We want you to come as yourselves with no hesitation.
Despite it's fragility, our hearts are stronger than the most ugliest deceits imaginable, and we will and always have mended them with our own two hands.
I never was the co dependent type, nor will that ever be the case but in all, I need a man, no, my Soulmate, that can do what he was sent here to do.
Whom else would I risk the greatest pain for other than him, and him only? For that kind of Love is irreplaceable once it's met.
Whatever may that 'sent her to do' be? If that's the question you may be asking, this whole spiel has flown over your head and all I can say now is..Google it.
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